Every time I talk to my mother lately it has ended in me feeling sad, depressed, or angry. Sometimes all three. I have always been very close to my mother. I didn’t have many friends in high school because I just didn’t fit with everyone. I loved to read and write. I made impressive grades and I dreamed of getting as far from my hometown as I could. I just hated the small town that I felt I was cursed to have been born in. I couldn’t tell you how embarrassed I was to have our class colors on our invitations. The class voted to choose camouflage and chrome as the colors….even though neither of those are actually colors. When I got to college it was a different story. I made friends quickly, my teachers loved me, and I was completely accepted for who I was. I love the town that is only two hours from mine. It feels more like home during school than I ever feel when I move back home for the summer. My relationship with my mother has been changing since I went away but it was generally the same until recently. I got a new boyfriend. A serious one. He’s a great guy that loves me and is so sweet to me. Mom doesn’t see it though. She can’t say a single good word about him. It doesn’t matter to her that we have been accuainted with his family and him for most of my 22 years on this earth. He was my childhood crush. Things are horrible. Mom and I fight nearly every time we talk and especially every time we talk about him. He isn’t allowed to come over my parents house anymore…even though he has been really nice every time he was there. It is driving me crazy. I actually dread Christmas because I want to be able to spend a little time with him that day and I just know she will throw a fit. Meanwhile, she is treating my brother’s girlfriend like her daughter instead of me. She hasn’t bought any of my presents but she has bought little brother’s girlfriend more than one thing. I’m not jealous of the girl, I love her like she’s my little sister but I can’t help being a little hurt when my own mother doesn’t make a big deal of me coming home during the times that I can manage to make it home but she makes a big “to do” over the other girl (who she sees every single weekend). Maybe I’m overreacting to everything but I just don’t know what to do. I envy the great adult relationship my best friend has with her mother, that is for sure.

I am utterly exhausted. I believe that all college professors are out to murder their students through gruesome and tiring assignments, piled up tests, and papers that are nearly impossible to do well on. My Spanish professor thinks that I am struggling in his class because I don’t like literature. However, I have always loved literature of all kinds. It’s his tests that are impossible. Finals are this coming week and I feel the pressure of them looming over my head like a dark cloud that is about to burst and spill the rain. I’m doing the best I can to keep my sanity. I know that God never gives anyone more than he or she can handle. That gives me hope. My boyfriend is being incredibly understanding of my stressed out mood swings. its not often that a girl finds someone like him. If only my mother could see how great he is for me. I am still kind of sad, though. I can’t find my brand new mp3 player that I love so much. It’s been missing for three days and I am getting very sad. I also let my movies go late and now I have to pay to rent them for the whole next week even though it is only going to be a day late. Oh well it could be worse.