Every time I talk to my mother lately it has ended in me feeling sad, depressed, or angry. Sometimes all three. I have always been very close to my mother. I didn’t have many friends in high school because I just didn’t fit with everyone. I loved to read and write. I made impressive grades and I dreamed of getting as far from my hometown as I could. I just hated the small town that I felt I was cursed to have been born in. I couldn’t tell you how embarrassed I was to have our class colors on our invitations. The class voted to choose camouflage and chrome as the colors….even though neither of those are actually colors. When I got to college it was a different story. I made friends quickly, my teachers loved me, and I was completely accepted for who I was. I love the town that is only two hours from mine. It feels more like home during school than I ever feel when I move back home for the summer. My relationship with my mother has been changing since I went away but it was generally the same until recently. I got a new boyfriend. A serious one. He’s a great guy that loves me and is so sweet to me. Mom doesn’t see it though. She can’t say a single good word about him. It doesn’t matter to her that we have been accuainted with his family and him for most of my 22 years on this earth. He was my childhood crush. Things are horrible. Mom and I fight nearly every time we talk and especially every time we talk about him. He isn’t allowed to come over my parents house anymore…even though he has been really nice every time he was there. It is driving me crazy. I actually dread Christmas because I want to be able to spend a little time with him that day and I just know she will throw a fit. Meanwhile, she is treating my brother’s girlfriend like her daughter instead of me. She hasn’t bought any of my presents but she has bought little brother’s girlfriend more than one thing. I’m not jealous of the girl, I love her like she’s my little sister but I can’t help being a little hurt when my own mother doesn’t make a big deal of me coming home during the times that I can manage to make it home but she makes a big “to do” over the other girl (who she sees every single weekend). Maybe I’m overreacting to everything but I just don’t know what to do. I envy the great adult relationship my best friend has with her mother, that is for sure.
{December 8, 2007} A little depressed and stressed
A fellow She Who Blogs-er here. Sorry to read of your difficulties with your mom, especially around the holidays. I’m sure she’s just being protective, but sometimes moms don’t know how to best express that. In any event, I hope you have a lovely holiday season despite the stress–you’ll have to make more of an effort to enjoy yourself, but sometimes that’s a blessing in disguise because then you’re *feeling* everything rather than going through the motions. Best of luck
It sounds like you’re creating a beautiful life for yourself in your new town. Found you on She Who Blogs.
another FEllow SHE WHO BLOGs-
Wow. First I was going to say that your mom is having a hard time letting go of you, then I read about your brother/his girlfriend. It might still be that she is having a hard time with letting go and see you grow up. I recommend you have a sit down conversation with her, when you are not upset so that you can get to the root of things. Otherwise, this is going to get worse and worse. I am sure she loves you to death as any mother does and there is Some misunderstanding. Go out for a nice day shopping or whatever you and your mother might like to do together and then when you sit down for lunch or coffee, ask her about this and tell her how you feel/how she makes you feel….and don’t accuse her of anything.
I am a daughter and a mother (to a 13 and 2 year old). So now I am on both sides of the coin. I fight with my mom all of the time. Sometimes, she just says things out of left field… we used to fight all of the time, now I bite my tongue. I think it is difficult to be a mother, to get old and you see it through your daughter who is becoming a woman. A very difficult time. And it is hard to let go. My daughter is only 13, so not your age and not an adult, but I have a hard time letting go too… I can now see myself in my mother…
She loves you…..
Best of luck…sorry this was soo long