I decided to look around at apartments online today. mostly one bedroom, one bath apartments. I looked in the town I am currently in and the one that is about 30 minutes away from my parents house. I am trying to decide between graduate schools in both towns so I thought I would look around and see what was out there. My mother talks like she expects me to live at home again this summer and to live at home if I go to ASU. That simply can’t happen. It’s hard enough for me being at home for about four days. We fight and, more than that, I don’t have a room. My mom has pretty much converted my room into her room. Her fax, laptop, little refrigerator, clothes, dressing table, make up, etc are all in my room and she sleeps there. I have to sometimes sleep in the same bed as her if she decides not to sleep in the room that has always been hers and dads. I have nowhere to put a desk, I would have a curfew, and we don’t even have good internet. We have dial-up and it usually belongs to her or my brother so I really can’t imagine how she expects me to live there and go to school. It just isn’t possible for soooo many reasons. Anyway, I got kind of depressed. I’m not sure I will ever be able to afford a place of my own and I really want to be able to do that. I want to have a place to go right after I graduate in May so that I don’t have to deal with her trying to convince me to stay. I’m not sure what I should do about everything. I want to try to get grants and things to help me pay for my grad school. However, my parents still claim me as a dependent and won’t let go of that so I can try it out on my own. They make too much money between them for me to get any assistance other than loans. I, on the other hand, could get assistance. I make very little to be quite honest. I just can’t get it the way I need to. I’m sick of having the financial help held over my head and being told that I couldn’t do it without them. I don’t get credit for busting my butt on the finals, papers, and other crap that I go through. I appreciate all that my parents do for me, it would just be nice to get some recognition.

In other news, one of my fish died. Penny jumped out of the bowl and I found her one the bar at my parents house, still alive. She was missing an eye though. Lucy apparently attacked her. Well, Lucy died when I got her back to my place and Penny is still alive and kicking with one eye.