There is so much to think about lately. I think that there is beginning to be a positive light in it all though. I looked online last night for jobs that I might be able to take after graduating and I found two jobs that are near perfection for me. One of the pays 25,000-27,000 a year. Pretty good for just starting out, I think. I am really hoping that I have a shot at something like that. I know that leaving the daycare will be hard because I love those kids so much. I felt a little jealous today while we were training the new people because one of them wouldn’t leave A alone and she has always been my little buddy. Silly, huh? I taught A some new spanish words though and she is really remembering them! I just wish there was some way to know that I am making the right decisions in my life. Where is the guarantee?

The real topic of this post is that I don’t understand some people in this world. I watch the national news when there are interesting stories. Tonight, actually right now as I write this, I am watching Nancy Grace. The big story on there tonight is about a family in which a girl died because of a diabetic coma and the family is using religion as a defense to why they sat there and let their child suffer and die. They said that in their family they simply lay their hands on the sick person and pray because they believe in the power of prayer. It’s nice that they believe in prayer but why would you not take your child to the doctor when she is suffering and on the way to death? God has provided us with a miracle cure for this and that would be insulin. Sure it came about because of medical research and all that but who provided us with the instincts, intellect, and resources to find this?  God did, of course. It doesn’t make sense that you would opt to just let her suffer. My K’s parents are big believers in the power of faith and prayer but they didn’t just pray and sit by when his mom had cancer. They prayed, yes, but they also took her in for treatment. The power of prayer helped to heal her through the treatments. Sometimes I feel that you should be required to have a license in order to have children. We have to pass a test to drive, why not to have kids? Okay so that is a little silly but at least we would have a lot less people who are stupid and irresponsible parents.

That’s all for now except that I am still getting addresses for the recipe exchange…let me know if you want in and I’ll send the email out when I have enough or close enough to the number of people!!

I made the drive back home for the weekend. It was not as bad as I thought. I think I am on my way to having an adult relationship with my family. It went pretty well actually. I told my mother about my decision about going to grad school and she didn’t kill me, she just said she wasn’t going to pay for it. There were a few bad moments but, overall, it was good. My brother turned 18 and his girlfriend turned 17 (yes, they were born on the same day with a year between them). We all went shopping and stuff. Mom actually bought me some really cute shorts that I had been wanting. The only bad part was really that i didn’t get to do anything for Easter. I really wanted to go to my boyfriend’s family thing but I got sick. My symptoms are strange and I’m still feeling a little yucky but better than yesterday. Well, I’m off to blog hop!

I didn’t really know what I was going to say on here until just a minute ago. My day went fairly well. I worked, went to class, talked to the boyfriend..etc etc. The event that sparked a topic in me was this: I emailed a professor about extra credit. I am struggling in his class, despite many hours of studying with the girls for the last test, and I had been told by a friend from the same class (but on the other day that he teaches it) that he was allowing her to participate in experiments for extra credit. He promptly emailed me back with what I thought was a response that was uncalled for. He basically told me I was SOL in the most uppity and rude way possible. I have said before that he had an ego so big that it amazed me that he could fit it into the room in which he teaches. Now, I know it’s true. I’m sorry if I would rather hear someone teach that actually knows HOW to teach. The man hates powerpoints, frequently leaves the room during class, and is hard to understand when he lectures. Oh yeah, he talks about himself more than the topic we are working on and laughs at his own (unfunny) jokes. (I hate that with a passion!!)

In other news, I am desperate to save money so that I can afford an apartment of my own. I will go on a diet of all Ramen noodles if it means that I will be spared the agony of living under my mother’s roof at all. I am the only 22 year old that goes home and has a curfew…let alone a midnight curfew.  She kicks me off the phone when she thinks its too late. Oh and she sleeps in my room. Then there’s the dial-up internet…I don’t think it is necessary for me to say more there. I love my mom dearly…don’t get me wrong. We may have problems right now but I love her or I would have written her off already. It’s just too much for me to take…Next week I get to work full time I think so that should help but I am DYING for some baby-sitting jobs from the parents at the daycare. It would help so much!! And if anyone has any ideas about how to tell a mother like mine that I have made my decision and it is not the one she wants me to make….I’d love to hear it!

To end it all ..I have a recipe exchange I want to participate in and I need some more people. If you want in on it let me know what your email address is. I’ll send out my start up email when I get the twenty people I need or close enough to it. Goodnight!!

Okay here are the quick highlights.

1. M and S have started to pee pee in the potty and they do that for me!! (They are twins at the daycare where I work.)

2. My boyfriend is amazing and I would lose my sanity completely without him.

3. My mom is going to be ready to murder me about my decision to go to ASU even though she is rejoicing about the fact that little brother might be able to go there.

4. My cousin is okay. She is back at home and recovering from a definite orbital fracture. Thanks to all of you that were concerned.

I want to begin by saying thanks to those of you that have posted sweet words of encouragement to me. It really helps to brighten my mood. I’m trying to get back to my normal self. I was near hyperventilating this weekend when I realized how close graduation was. I am still near it. Mom keeps pressuring me about which school I want to go to and I am not ready to tell her. I’m scared, to be honest with you. If anyone has any advice about how to deal with a controlling woman who will go insane on me when I tell her about my decision, I would greatly appreciate it.

M and S made me so happy today. Especially S. M has been closing in on becoming potty trained for three days but S just started it today. I thin he was getting a little jealous of the attention M was getting for pottying. That motivated him to get on it too. I couldn’t believe it! I guess it proves mom wrong. I am nurturing. I love those kids like they were my own.

Okay I’m really sleepy so the last thing I will say is that I am wanting to be part of a recipe exchange, as I am becoming more interested in cooking, and anyone that wants in on it can tell me their email. I don’t have the twenty people required in it because my friends don’t like to cook lol

Goodnight all!!!!

Have you ever forgotten what it was like to be happy and smile? I have. Things will go good for a while and then go bad for a while. My boyfriend has been great throughout the whole parental trouble deal and I can’t blame him for the times that he gets frustrated. There is no real reason for us to have to work so hard to be able to be happy together and see each other. My mother is insane I believe. She’s yelling at me one minute, crying the next, then talking about running away from us. I love my mother and she has done a lot for me. We used to be close but I have this feeling in my heart that I will be shopping for wedding dresses with the groom’s mom instead of mine. No, I’m not getting married, I’m just talking about the future. I realized tonight, though that I would not be losing all that much even if my whole family disowned me. My mother only wants me around when it’s convenient for her. My brother never cares if I’m home or not. Dad is probably the only person that doesn’t treat me like I’m invisible. I would simply be losing stressful times with mom. Dad already said that he wouldn’t do that to me anyway. I’m beginning to think this is having a more harsh effect on me than I thought. I cry easier than ever. I stay in my room at the apartment instead of trying to be around my roommates. I feel like an outsider here. My boyfriend feels like I’m miserable when he visits. I just can’t keep my mood up. I feel like I’m being pressured to do something that will make me unhappy. The program I want to go to is not acceptable for mom but neither is anything else I do. Even at the age of four, I was pressured to be the best in everything. I knew how to write my name before kindergarten. I knew my multiplication facts before first grade. I was writing stories in first grade. I graduated Valedictorian of my class. I got scholarships for college. I’ve been on the Dean’s List. I always came out on top. Despite all that, and my innate passion for everything I did, my mom always said my brother would be more successful than me. It hurt then but now I see it as irrational. Lil bro can’t commit to anything. If he doesn’t get what he wants out of it, he quits. Challenges motivate me, they don’t do anything for him. I want my brother to be happy and successful but I wish someone would acknowledge the things I do too. My grades were impeccable and I never got praised for it. As long as lil bro keeps As, Bs, and Cs they are as happy as can be. Oh well, that’s life. I apologize for the unhappy and sad tone I have going on in this post I’m just not happy. I would also appreciate it if anyone who reads this would keep my youngest cousin in their prayers. She is in the hospital overnight because she got busted in the eye with a softball. When she was taken to the eye doctor (after the ER) she had a seizure. I think she is okay now but you never know. Well, goodnight and I hope I will have a happier note tomorrow. I’m off to blog hop and then sleep

I’m a little late but here it is! Come party at the Ultimate Blog Party!

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I’m Brittany and I’m a very confused, stressed out 22 year old college Senior. I work at a daycare where I teach 12 two year old children and I feel like they are all mine. I’m trying to be tight with my money and not doing very well at saving up for the near future of moving on to grad school and hopefully out of my parents place once I go back. Welcome to the party and to my blog!

I am back and I am promising to commit to blogging a little everyday. I am going to treat it as therapy and a little me time. I need it. I’m seriously freaking out. My life has come to a major cross-road and I’m not sure of how to navigate this one. I feel like I know where I need to go but there are so many things that are in my path. How do I know that I am making the right decision about my future? It’s the rest of my life and that is a BIG deal to me. I don’t want to do school psychology like my mom wants me to do and I want to go to the school I initially said I didn’t want to consider for undergraduate work. I want to live on my own. The thing is, I can’t really afford it all by myself now. My mom has freaked out on me more than once recently for many reasons but one of the biggest ones is my choice in grad schools. She doesn’t want me there, even though it is closer to home. I find myself asking my dad and grandparents for advice about how to handle her. Why do I feel like making myself happy is wrong? Should I go ahead and do what I want to do and risk being “disowned” by my mother? I’m so confused and scared. I’m also ready for a change. Four years here has been great but they are coming to an end and almost all the people who have made this place home for me are going to be elsewhere. I want to broaden my horizons and try a new place. I think that rehabilitation counseling will be a rewarding job and stimulating. I’m just so confused. On top of all that, I have fallen in love with all the kids at the daycare where I work and I know it will be really hard to leave them. I knew that as I comforted one of the kids today the same way my mother used to comfort me when I was their age and feeling sick. What to do?

As I said, though, I plan to keep this blog up. Sorry if this post bored you to death but I had to get it out somewhere.